Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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