just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize