You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize