Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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