Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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