I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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