He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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