You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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