I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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