Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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