you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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