I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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