last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize