my shit smells like andre
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize