sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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