then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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