I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize