Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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