you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
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Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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