Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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