need another drink. this is the easiest way
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
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There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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