I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize