our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize