remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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