I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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