I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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