dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize