Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize