Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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