She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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