you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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