umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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