can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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