i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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