get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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