Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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