Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
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I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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