Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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