I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize