I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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