If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize