We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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