He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's never too late to be topless.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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