Texts From Last Night

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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

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  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (3057) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  kinda like you and your friends.

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  (931): dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny. (803): kinda like you and your friends. http://tfl.nu/yef0
  Replies (14) Good night (620) Bad night (2149)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

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  (607): Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner http://tfl.nu/msbx
  Replies (38) Good night (3501) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip

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  (303): she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip http://tfl.nu/86nj
  Replies (20) Good night (4123) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...

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  (417): i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was... http://tfl.nu/mlza
  Replies (82) Good night (8876) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

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  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11531) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

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  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9319) Bad night (1233)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour

  (513): View more from Ohio

  its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem

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  (574): he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour (513): its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem http://tfl.nu/ygfh
  Replies (6) Good night (843) Bad night (3022)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.

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  (520): Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already. http://tfl.nu/ffp6
  Replies (18) Good night (4686) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.

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  (563): he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on. http://tfl.nu/j2lo
  Replies (9) Good night (694) Bad night (1771)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts. 

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  (203): Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.  http://tfl.nu/0ezy
  Replies (6) Good night (1358) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.

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  (252): I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction. http://tfl.nu/uetm
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.

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  (609): I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding. http://tfl.nu/8ezs
  Replies (11) Good night (1013) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it

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  (508): Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it http://tfl.nu/qcg9
  Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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  (617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld
  Replies (12) Good night (176) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt

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