i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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