He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize