i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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