She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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