People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize