i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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